And So It Begins!

On October 26, I will launch my first published book, Notes To My Son. I am both excited and nervous as this event transpires, and especially for the conversations after the book is out there. Publishing a piece of non-fiction is one of the few distinct ways to express true vulnerability in front of an audience, especially a piece that comes from the heart and highlights the litany of mistakes I have made throughout my life so far.

I have several fictional works “in the works” and I have the freedom to express the creative crevices that I simply could not share in Notes, given its non-fiction nature. As a virgin author, I felt obligated to stay steadfast to my true spirit and experience. Notes isn’t meant to be a “how-to” book. It’s meant for my son, someday. It’s also meant to create a conversation with people, starting from one specific point of view and welcoming all others.

The grand thing about life is that multiple points of view are out there for consumption. We just need the appetite to devour them. I hope that many will read the book and disagree or agree with any parts of it, but by all means, not be indifferent. Indifference creates stagnation, and without movement, our minds and bodies will atrophy. I realize not all twenty-five notes will speak to those who read them. If, however, even one note resonates and creates conversation, I will celebrate that as a success. Too much indignation exists in this world to sit idly by and not be transparent in sharing our life experiences to create solutions versus stalemates.

I watched a recent political debate and it truly was amazing to see so many articulate human beings saying nothing at all, even though their mouths were moving. We must listen to ourselves, make our words count and more importantly, follow them up with actions. Momentum is fascinating. Much the way a habit takes twenty-one days to form, it takes high quantities of practice to create momentum. It only occurs after several events are executed and victories are realized. So what does victory look like in the context of a conversation? Easy . . . Victory looks like behavior change.

In our professional lives, we measure outcomes from activities. The typical culprits are revenue and profit. In our personal lives, it looks a bit different. Our results are less tangible and perhaps qualitative. Intuition may not come with a scoreboard, but your gut instinct is usually close to accurate. When you leave a conversation, you either feel regret or satisfaction. If you feel a combination of both, then something was left unsaid. Re-engage until you leave that conversation with certainty that all parties delivered their true messages.

Now judge the conversational outcome based on behavior changes. This goes for discussions with friends, family or lovers. And by the way, sometimes the one whose behavior needs changing is YOU. I’m speaking from experience here. If you see a shortcoming in a situation, a person close to you, or yourself—have the humility to speak up and discuss a path forward. It could be regarding your personal finances, use of time, hobbies, fitness, who you hang out with or whether to cancel cable, but the important thing is not to avoid the topic, but to lean into those discussions. Hours, days and months are wasted avoiding what some perceive to be a conflict when it’s really just a conversation. Avoid getting personal with your commentary, stay objective, and you’ll be just fine.

One of my dear friends was just diagnosed with leukemia. Even under forty years old, this malady happens. Time is finite for each of us. Who knows if we have an hour or a few decades left? Create time for the conversations you’ve been putting off. Old friends can become new again. Family members can become family again. You can start dating your spouse again. It’s not too late, but it could be if you hesitate. Block out the time, put away your technology and reconnect.

The reward is so much greater than mindless scrolling on your social media feed or zoning out in front of a TV show. The reward is in powerful, genuine, transparent human connections that create change. Join me in creating conversational momentum.